


The Roommates' Ritual

by henghost



Category: ITZY (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:47:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/henghost/pseuds/henghost
Summary: Yeji shares some concerns with her roommate Ryujin during their nightly ritual, and things escalate from there.





	1. Chapter 1

1.

Yeji’s black hair slipped down her shoulders, and Ryujin, who was draped on her stomach across the small bunk, twirled her fingers through it, savoring the freshly-washed texture. It was a kind of ritual they had, these two roommates. When Yeji had finished her extensive hygiene/skincare/beauty regimen for the night and come back to their room, she would lean against the wood paneling surrounding Ryujin’s lower bunk (Yeji had gotten the desirable top bunk without any argument; she was the leader after all) and the two would talk well into the night—it was true about idols not getting enough sleep. She wore a thin white tank-top and teal underwear, and Ryujin couldn’t not think about how beautiful she looked, even in such casual attire. Her hair looked better like this, in Ryujin’s opinion, when it was let down and not confined to pigtails or dual buns, and she couldn’t keep her hands out of it.

“Do you really like my hair this much?” Yeji asked

“Of course. You should wear it like this all the time.”

“The stylists say I wouldn’t be unique enough if I wore it straight.”

“Those bitches. You’d stand out in a constellation.”

Yeji giggled. “You mean because I’m brighter than the stars?”  
“Or something like that.”

Yeji reached back to hit Ryujin’s bare leg with the back of her hand. “Stop being such a suck-up.”

The girls paused and rested for a moment in the almost narcotic exhaustion that comes from being so successful during a debut week. It was truly grueling, they’d all agreed. Much more stressful than being a trainee, even the evaluation weeks, though this is what they’d worked towards for years. It had left them all tired and loopy, none of them could think straight. And yet the two continued to forgo vital sleep.

“God, you want to know the worst part of the debut week?” Yeji said.

“What?” Ryujin responded, still stroking Yeji’s damp hair.

“When we were practicing twelve hours a day, the only guys we saw were the managers and occasionally the CEO. And so now, when we run into boy-groups on these constant music shows or when I see our better-looking male fans, I just get so worked up. I’ve heard it’s bad for you, to be constantly so… frustrated.”

“I had no idea our leader was so lustful.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way.”

“I can’t say I do. I have enough beauty in my life already.”

“You’re the worst,” Yeji said, smiling.

“You never, like, you know…”

“What? Masturbate? I mean I  _have_ , but not really since I was, like, thirteen.”

“It helps.”

“How do you know?” Yeji said, snapping her head around to look at Ryujin.  
“Well, when I said I didn’t feel the same way, that might have been a partial lie. I too know what it is like to have unrequited desires.” Ryujin said, affecting the voice a melancholic poet might have.

“Do tell.”

“Oh, mostly just the same things you were talking about,” Ryujin lied. “Listen, if you were to do it right here, I wouldn’t tell anyone. I don’t mind.”

“You mean just strip right here and bring myself to orgasm?”

“I can close my eyes if you want.”

Then, without warning, Yeji pulled down the light-blue underwear in one fluid motion revealing a thick nest of hair as black as night. Ryujin’s eyes visibly widened, and she swallowed hard.

“I did not expect expect that,” Ryujin said. The strength and smug confidence had gone out of her voice.

“I didn’t think you were any kind of prude, Ryujin,” Yeji said. She was in charge of this situation despite her state of undress.”

“No, I’m not. Go ahead.”

Yeji began to rub herself methodically in a way that did not suggest at all that she was inexperienced. As she threw her head back and her mouth opened in pleasure, Ryujin bit the nail of her thumb and felt a strong heat grow between her own legs. After a minute of this surreal scene playing out before her, quiet moans and increasingly furious rubbing, a fantasy being realized, Ryujin couldn’t remain idle any longer.

“Um, Yeji, I could help you if you want,” she said, her voice quavering slightly.

“What do you mean?” Yeji, responded, slowing down but not stopping.

“Well, I’m sure it’d feel more realistic if I were to, you know, use my mouth.”

Yeji smiled. “If only our fans knew how submissive their ‘girl-crush’ really was.”

Ryujin felt blood rush to her face and a definite slickness develop between her thighs.

“Please.”

“Go ahead.”

Ryujin struggled to keep herself from moving too fast so as not to betray her eagerness more than she already had. She slipped out of her bed, moved her hair behind her ears, and brought her mouth between her leader’s spread legs. Her smell, even so soon after a shower, was intoxicating. The same one that had left Ryujin flustered so many times before when the group sweated in the practice room.

She panicked for an instant: she’d never done this before, not outside of her mind anyway, but when she licked straight up along Yeji’s wet slit, Yeji moaned so loud she was worried if Chaeryeong, whose room was next to theirs, would be woken, and any inhibitions left her. Ryujin simply reenacted the visions that had played in her dreams, waking and sleeping, for so long. She felt at some point Yeji’s hands behind her head, pressing her closer. So she sped up, and she could feel Yeji begin to convulse, and the moans grew louder, until Ryujin felt all the tension explode out of her, leaving her limp.

Ryujin looked up, which she hadn’t done up to this point, and saw Yeji’s smiling face.

“We can’t tell anyone about this,” Yeji said. “Not even the other members.”

“Of course.”

“But I think we should do this again.”

“I agree. I love your hair, by the way,” Ryujin said, pointing between Yeji’s legs.

The two paused and listened to Jisu’s unmistakable light footsteps outside their door.

 

 2.

The air of Tokyo at night felt electric to Ryujin, full of neon and potential energy. She reached out and grabbed Yeji’s hand, and it felt, in a word, right, as if some cosmic equation had been solved by their touch. A memory of a novel she’d read once kept coming to her mind as they walked: a story about two lovers trapped in a fantasy world who could only experience reality through each other. Ryujin made their hands swing slightly as they walked, matching the beat of her fluttering heart.

It was their first trip abroad as a group. It was the first time Yeji had been on a plane, in fact, which had led to a three hour period of Yeji clutching Ryujin’s arm and squealing at every slight bump in the air, and Ryujin couldn’t have been happier. The truth was Ryujin had been looking forward to this trip ever since the two had shared that intimate moment the week of their debut. Not in the casual way one looks forward to a package arriving or for the weekend to come around, but instead the way someone stranded in the desert looks forward to water. After Jisu had almost caught them the last time, Yeji decided, much to Ryujin’s chagrin, that they needed to be more careful in the future. She said that they should wait until they could really be alone. And now they could be. Just the two of them together in this sprawling metropolis.

“Did you like the TWICE concert?” Ryujin asked.

“Of course. They’re so talented and pretty.”

“You know what I’m going to say, right?”

“Yes, is there any way to stop you.”

“There isn’t. You’re prettier than all of them put together.”

Yeji rolled her eyes.

They reached the hotel, which was ornate in the extreme, and ascended to their floor in an empty elevator, gripping each other’s hands tighter every floor they passed. The company had only paid for three rooms, and Yeji, being the eldest, had gotten to pick her roommate first. Chaeryeong looked at her suspiciously when she’d picked Ryujin after only a few moments of deliberation, but she said “I’m just the most comfortable with her,” which had made Ryujin’s heart skip a beat. And now they could spend the whole night together, alone, with no one to hear them.

Their room, it turned out, only had one bed.

“I guess we don’t really have a choice,” Ryujin said, smirking.

“We could always order a cot or something.”

“I don’t know, it’s supposed to get pretty cold tonight. Don’t you want some extra warmth?”

“God, you’re eager, aren’t you,” Yeji said.

“Of course I am. We’re finally alone. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time,” Ryujin said, and she moved closer to Yeji, smelling her floral perfume, trying to take in every one of the countless perfections of her face.

Yeji looked away. “Listen, Ryujin,” she said. “We need to think about this first. I mean, we’re international celebrities. Could you imagine if we were caught? Idols get ripped apart for dating someone of the opposite gender.”

“Oh, so we’re dating now?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Of course I’m worried. But that pales in comparison to the feelings I have for you.”

“Jesus, listen to yourself.”

“Yeji, I need you. Listen to me: in a very genuine way, I need you.”

Yeji walked to the far end of the dimly lit room. “Really?” she asked, turning her back.

“Of course. You’re the only one makes any of this blown-out, high-contrast, make-up-filled, shallow, toxic job worth it.”

“Don’t say that. You’ve worked hard to get where you are.”

“I mean it.”

Yeji was silent for a moment, then she said, “Well then surely you’d be willing to beg,” with her back still turned.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you really need me in the pure, unabashed way you say you do, then you’d be willing to beg for me, right?”

“I…”

“You’d do anything for me, right, Ryujin?” Yeji said, turning around to reveal a wicked smirk Ryujin had never seen before.

“I… O-of course I would,” Ryujin stammered out.

“Then beg for me.”

“Um,” Ryujin started, and a sort of heat overtook her, turning her pale face the exact color of Yeji’s lipstick. “I’m begging you, Yeji, I need you. Please. I’d do anything to be with you.”

“Anything, huh?” Ryujin nodded her head frantically. “Take your clothes off.”

Ryujin complied immediately, slipping out of her faux-ripped jeans, lifting the black crop-top over her head, and finally pulling off her sheer black underwear and bra. Ryujin felt suddenly insecure about her too-thin body that had had every last bit of fat pounded out of it by nonstop dancing and strict dieting, and she pondered covering herself with her hands but didn’t, in the end, because this was what Yeji wanted to see, and she was incapable of doing anything to disappoint her.

Yeji looked her up and down, her face not betraying any reaction. They’d seen each other nude before, obviously. They’d been friends long enough to be comfortable changing in front of each other, even before that fateful night, but never in a context like this.

“Get on your knees,” Yeji ordered, and Ryujin practically tripped over herself in her rush to comply. The rough texture of the carpet scraped her bare skin, but she couldn’t feel it behind the adrenaline and the ever-growing heat inside of her. “How many times did you touch yourself while thinking about me?”

“Every day since I first met you, Yeji.”

“You really are pathetic,” Yeji said, and it felt like a slap to Ryujin’s face, but she didn’t dare retaliate. All she wanted to do was please her leader, nothing else mattered.

Then, in one practiced motion, Yeji took out her phone and the flash went off, making Ryujin blink.

“What did you just do?” Ryujin whimpered.

“It’s just something for later.”

“That’s dangerous, Yeji. Weren’t you just worried about being caught? Phones aren’t as secure as you think.”

“This picture,” Yeji said, gazing greedily at the screen, “is exactly as secure as I want it to be.”

“Come on, Yeji, that’s too far. Please.” Ryujin’s eyes were wide, and she could feel the adrenaline inside her grow, but it was unclear whether it was from arousal or fear.

Yeji giggled. “I’ll tell you what, if you can satisfy my urges then I won’t need this picture, and I’ll delete it. Understand?”

Ryujin nodded and started to get up, but Yeji stopped her. “Crawl,” she commanded. Yeji pulled down the thin blue jeans she’d worn because she knew Ryujin liked to stare at the back of them. Ryujin got down on all fours and crawled over to the girl, only a year older than her, who had always seemed so innocent.

She stood on her knees, gazing up at Yeji, wondering how she’d allowed herself to be controlled so completely. Yeji lowered the same teal underwear she’d worn that night which now seemed so long ago with one hand and pushed Ryujin’s face into her with the other, and any fear Ryujin held dissipated with the sound of Yeji’s almost animalistic moan. Yeji put both hands against the back of Ryujin’s head, and the heat within Ryujin grew to an almost unbearable level. She still suspected that she wasn’t very good at this, but she didn’t care. When they were this close nothing mattered but the feeling of their skin pressed together and taste of Yeji on her lips. Ryujin grabbed the backs of Yeji’s thighs in a vain attempt to get even closer.

It wasn’t long, like that, before Yeji’s sporadic twitching and whimpering reached a crescendo. They separated from each other like the petals of a blooming flower.

Yeji sat on the plain white bed. “I never took a picture of you,” she said. “It was just the flashlight. You can check if you want, my phone’s in the left pocket of my jeans. I’m also sorry for calling you pathetic. It’s just that your eyes are the prettiest when they’re the widest.”

“You’re evil,” Ryujin squealed, but she couldn’t help but smile.

“I know. Come here.”

The two spread out across the bed, the euphoria of simply being together washing over them.

“I know how how you can make it up to me,” Ryujin said.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Yeji responded. “I think you’re right, though. We need each other.” Yeji leaned over and put her mouth against Ryujin’s for the briefest instant, looked into her doe-like brown eyes, then brought their lips together again.

The two fell asleep in each other’s arms.

 

 3.

Ryujin hated the outfits she was forced to wear. There was a contingent of people, she understood, that loved the glamor and high-fashion idol life necessitated, but it was difficult for her to understand why. This specific outfit which involved long cargo pants plus a midriff-exposing Balenciaga top felt crushing, both physically-- as in it was much too tight-- and emotionally. This whole process, in fact, of music show, TV appearance, practice, five hours of sleep, repeat was soul-crushing.

The group walked off the high-contrast music-show stage, most of them sighing though it was hard to tell whether it was from exasperation or satisfied relief. Yeji grabbed Ryujin’s hand and squeezed it-- it was dangerous to do more than that in such a public space. As much as Ryujin was growing to despise the absurd amount of makeup and impractical costumes, she had to admit that they fit Yeji well. There was something about the eyeliner she had on that made her eyes that much more  _piercing_. The way the red top curved around her torso just so and the way the choker made her look somehow regal, it almost made all of this seem worth it. 

But then Ryujin looked around at the showrunners and felt like the only real person in a world of actors. She’d been in movies before, been around actors and their ilk, and there were too many similarities between the people pretending to be someone else and the kinds of people who were always at these music shows: the managers, even sometimes the other members. It would not be an overstatement to say Ryujin was losing her grip on reality, and if it weren’t for the tenuous grasp she had on the world in the form of Yeji, she was afraid she might truly go off the deep-end, so to speak. She tried to push the thought away. She made herself focus on the movement of Yeji in front of her, losing herself for just a moment in the hypnotic swing of her long, slender arms, the way she brushed her hair away from her face every so often with a thoughtless flick of the wrist. Ryujin couldn’t help but follow, even though she had no reason to.

Yeji opened a heavy door and stepped out of the studio with Ryujin just behind her, and they found themselves in a sort of back alley. The air of Seoul at night was smoggy and grating. Yeji gazed up at the neon-covered buildings, but Ryujin couldn’t tear her eyes away from her face.

“Yeji?” Ryujin asked. “Do you ever wonder if this was the right decision for you?”

“If what was the right decision?”

“This. This job, this full-time idol life. All of it.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little late to be thinking that kind of thing?” Yeji chuckled.

“Your right, of course. But I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but I remember when I was a trainee being so excited for this: the debut, the stardom, etc. But now, I guess I just feel tired of it. It’s like I’m not just wearing the outfits they’ve picked out for me, it’s like I’m wearing some faux personality that I never had any input in creating. Like the  _me_ that wanted this has been painted over. I’m not explaining it very well.” Ryujin’s voice trembled slightly, and she could feel a lump beginning to form in the back of her throat.

“Listen, Ryujin, this’ll pass. Everything passes. You'll get through this.” Yeji said, taking Ryujin’s hands into her own.

“You sound like a leader right now, not my friend or my partner.”

“Come here.” Yeji pulled Ryujin into her, and Ryujin couldn’t help but let tiny tears drizzle out of her eyes and onto Yeji’s shoulder. “I know how you feel, I really do. And I think it’s true what you said that night in Japan, we need each other. So how could things be bad if we're able to hold each other like this. We’re each other’s anchor in this surreal, surreal world.” Then Yeji forced her lips against Ryujin’s, who was initially reluctant, but gave in, in the end, because it was true what she was saying. Their tongues were the only tethers they had to the world, not their current world, but the one that existed in a hypothetical capacity outside of this, whatever ‘this’ was. Ryujin couldn’t stem the flow of tears.

The door leading back to the studio swung open with a resounding screech.

“Are you two out--” It was the childlike voice of Chaeryeong. Ryujin and Yeji let go of each other and stood at opposite sides of the alley, but it was too late. Chaeryeong let the door close, and the three stood there in silence for what could have been hours.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Yeji finally managed to get out.

“That’s, uh, kind of cliche, isn’t it?” Chaeryeong responded.

“It’s-- I just… Ryujin needed help. She was having a hard time, and I offered to help her out.”

“What, by making out with her?”

Ryujin said nothing. She tried to push herself into the shadows, but of course there was nowhere dark enough to hide her. Tears continued streaming down her cheeks. Her makeup must have been a mess.

“Chaeryeong, you can’t tell anyone about this.” Yeji said.

“What is ‘this?’ You mean you two are, like,  _together_?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Yeah, obviously. God, I mean I came out here looking for my friends, and I guess I still haven’t found them.”

“That’s a little dramatic.”

“I don’t think it is. How long has this been going on? How long have you been lying to me? Which, it’s not just me, is it? It’s Jisu and Yuna and everyone else, everyone who relies on us. I can’t believe you could do something like this."

Ryujin tried to keep her breathing under control.

“Chaeryeong,” Yeji said, stepping towards her. “Think about this for a second. There’s a lot at stake here.”

“A lot at stake? You really want to talk to me about stakes? I’ve worked for years to get here, and it’s about to be ruined by people who I thought had my back. I just can't--”

“Keep your voice down,” Yeji whispered hoarsely.

“I can’t believe this. I didn’t even know you were gay. You traitor.” And with that, she turned and walked back into the studio. \

Ryujin slumped against the cold brick wall, unable to breathe through the tight clothes.

 

 4.

    The ride back was silent, and it wasn't the silence of satisfied exhaustion or the comfortable, contented silence between close friends. No, the tension was tangible enough that Ryujin found herself if she could literally cut it with a knife, which would certainly solve a lot of problems. Chaeryeong had bargained something away in order to sit in the passenger seat. Yeji sat across from Ryujin, and the two didn't dare look at one another. The other members and the manager Chaeryeong had switched places with were squeezed together in the back seat of the minivan.

Their dorm, too, was desolate. The cheap fluorescent lights flickered, Ryujin could swear, to the beat of her own unsteady heart. Yuna and Jisu and Yeji went to their rooms, leaving Ryujin, whose movements felt sluggish, as if she’d been standing in the cold for hours, and Chaeryeong who herself emanated a definite frigidity.

“Ryujin, we need to talk,” Chaeryeong whispered. “Alone. In my room.”

“What do we need to talk about, Chaeryeong? I feel like you’ve already made yourself abundantly clear.”

“Just… If you want me to keep your secret, you will come and speak with me. Alone.”

Ryujin struggled to reconcile the calcified scowl on Chaeryeong with her normally cheerful, ephebic appearance-- it was like she’d aged a decade in the hour between their encounter at the music show and now. She followed Chaeryeong to her room.

“Listen, Chaeryeong, this whole thing is a nuanced situation. You can’t possibly understand everything. Like, look, just let me explain. You have to under--”

Chaeryeong put her finger to her lips, and Ryujin could see that some of the makeup under her eyes and near her mouth had smudged and run.

“Ryujin, I don’t want to fight. Let me make you some tea. You look cold.” She walked to the corner of her room and turned on a clear electric kettle.

“You’re kind of scaring me, Chaeryeong. You seem kind of, I don’t know, unhinged. I… I really should apologize first of all. I just want things to be the same again, I want to be friends with you again, really I do.”

Chaeryeong clenched her fists and opened them. “Stop talking, Ryujin. You’re always talking and talking and talking and  _talking_. You need to listen for once in your life. Just once.” She poured the now boiling water into two handleless ceramic cups and lowered a scoop of leaves into each. “You say you want to be my friend, but years of neglect tell me that’s a lie. We’ve known each other for how long? Years. And you don’t know the smallest thing about me.”

“Of course I--”

“Just  _shut up_ , Ryujin,” Chaeryeong said, her voice lowering to a growl. She handed one of the cups to Ryujin. “Just drink this, Ryujin, and shut your mouth and listen, which I know must be difficult for you, but try. For me.” Ryujin sat on Chaeryeong’s immaculate twin bed and took a nervous sip of tea. “I’ve known you for a long time. Longer, I think, than you’ve known me. I saw you on TV. So young and so naturally talented. So beautiful, and without even trying. I’ve always had to try, you know. Believe me, I’ve been in this industry almost a decade now, I know my strengths and weaknesses. I was even thinking of quitting before I knew you and I were going to debut together-- I guess I just found it too stressful to try and live up to expectations while I looked like this, when I’d already failed so many times before. But my… I guess you would call it obsession with you helped me through it.”

“No, Chae--” Ryujin tried to say. The room was spinning around her now.

“Shh, be quiet,” Chaeryeong said, and she walked over to Ryujin, placed her hand on her chest, and pushed her into a reclining position. Ryujin found she was powerless to resist.

“What--”

“What did I do to you? Oh, nothing you don’t deserve. You’ll be paralyzed for a few hours. You didn’t taste it?” The ceramic cup fell to the floor and shattered. “Don’t struggle. It’ll only be worse if you struggle. I realized long ago that this was the only way to be close to you. Don’t be scared. There was no way you could’ve known. I’ve had lots of practice with hiding.”

Ryujin pictured herself standing up and crying for Yeji to come and help her, but it was true, she realized with a growing horror, the only things she could move were her wide, wide eyes.

Chaeryeong giggled, and it was the same giggle Ryujin had known for so long, the one that’d always sounded so naive. “Oh, Ryujin, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. How long I’ve dreamed of having you here, all to myself. This is what it’s all been leading up to, you realize, this exact moment.” That same puerile laugh. “I was going to wait until the other members were more secure, you know, financially. But then I caught you and that traitorous bitch Yeji, and I knew the right time had come.”

Ryujin tried again to scream, again in vain. Chaeryeong ran her fingers along Ryujin’s cheek, her lips, her breasts.

“If only you knew, Ryujin, how long I’ve wanted this. How long I’ve had this exact picture in my mind. The truth is, I’m surprised it was this easy.” Chaeryeong, grinning from ear to ear, pulled off her black sweatpants and purple underwear, revealing a glistening wetness between her legs. She lied atop Ryujin, smelling her hair and licking her face and bringing her lips against Ryujin’s limp flesh. She gasped warm breath in Ryujin’s ear, and Ryujin could feel impotent adrenaline coursing through her veins. “Oh god, I always knew you would feel this good. It’s exactly like I imagined.” She ran her crotch against Ryujin’s leg, up and down, up and down. All Ryujin could think about was how incongruous Chaeryeong's whimpering and moaning were with the intoverted homebody she thought she'd known.

It was mercifully short, all in all. Chaeryeong collapsed in twitching ecstasy next to Ryujin and soon fell asleep with that same ghoulish grin painted on her face, her slender arms wrapped around Ryujin's lifeless body, but of course Ryujin couldn’t follow suit. She stared at the light changing on the plaster ceiling, trying not to breathe in Chaeryeong’s sickly sweet perfume.

 

 5.

Yeji took a sleeping pill in a desperate attempt to escape the seething heat inside her and to forget all the traumas of the day, which were myriad. Ryujin was speaking with Chaeryeong, apparently, and she didn’t want to be awake when she came back into their room. There would be no hair stroking or playful flirting tonight. Maybe ever again. She had troubled dreams:

Sourceless voices whispered in her ears,  _“Do you see_?” They said. Yeji floated in the amniotic darkness and they said to her “ _Do you see what you have done?_ ” Then walls folded up around her and she was in the dance studio, only her and a choreographer, presumably, who looked like an older version of herself. They were stepping up and down, wide and exaggerated, like soldiers marching toward death.

The choreographer (the one who looked like Yeji) stood in front of Yeji and leaned and pressed their lips together and gripped her cheeks and put her body so close she could feel the heat and blood flow. They were one and the same. When Yeji looked in the mirror, though, it was not her own body she saw but Ryujin’s-- a younger Ryujin’s-- and she screamed but of course as always happens in dreams no sound came out.

When she woke she found she’d thrown off her clothes and was covered in sticky, ice-cold sweat. It was midnight-- some sleeping pill. Yeji wasn’t a believer in karma-- her parents were devout Catholics who forbade the discussion of such blasphemous ideas in their home-- but maybe she deserved this. Ryujin was like a fawning child who has a crush on their babysitter, and she’d enabled that. Fed her delusions of love and acceptance in exchange for what? To be eaten out every once in a while? Tears crept unbidden into her eyes. And now they’d been caught, their puerile game had turned deadly serious, and Yeji felt like she was drowning in all her past mistakes.

“Ryujin,” she said to the darkness. “Are you still awake?”

No answer.

But then another response came out of the ether: light, airy moaning. Oh god, Yeji thought, had this whole dorm succumbed to a fanfiction-style orgiastic frenzy? But the sound was familiar. The little whimpers and gasps sounded like a frustrated Chaeryeong.

Yeji jumped off her bed and stood on her tiptoes to see into Ryujin’s bed. Empty. The pointy puzzle-pieces snapped into place, and it all made sense, and Yeji felt like she’d been punched in the stomach and had to fall to the floor. It must’ve been planned. The encounter in the alley behind the music studio must’ve been the plan. She’d never trusted Chaeryeong, always felt like she’d been hiding something behind that mask-like oblong face. How long had they been together, she wondered. There had to have been overlap, i.e., Ryujin must’ve used that same soft, red mouth on Chaeryeong and Yeji. She shuddered.

More needy moans, and it was so hard to not imagine them locked in the act, to push out of her mind the image of blood rushing to Ryujin’s cheeks, the arc of her back as she tried to contain the pleasure within herself. And then also it was difficult to not feel pure, unadulterated fury that made her see lipstick-red. But, despite herself, it was impossible to keep the endorphins of arousal, sexual arousal, from dumping themselves into her bloodstream.

She shook her head to dislodge the thoughts. She should’ve expected this. It was so obvious. Ryujin didn’t love her, it was idiotic and childish to assume she ever had. It was in fact  _Yeji_ who’d been used, not the other way around. Stupid, arrogant. She wanted to scream or maybe to run in that room and pull them apart with her own bare hands, but she didn’t dare. Indeed, the only action she felt capable of performing was collapsing in the fetal position into her tiny twin mattress where she cried herself asleep silently, a skill she’d perfected long ago, into a dreamless blackness, half hoping that she’d be woken up by Ryujin’s return, half dreading exactly that, but of course neither happened.

***

She was woken by a thin sliver of sunlight across her eyes, which were already burning from the salt. That was wrong: she was supposed to be awake before the sun was up today to get to a photoshoot. But then she remembered that Ryujin was always the one who acted as her alarm clock, and she had to squeeze every muscle in her body to keep from yelling. Maybe she could call in sick.

She pulled on sweatpants and a oversized t-shirt, holding her nose while she did so because of course all her clothes smelled like Ryujin, and went into the kitchen where who else but Chaeryeong was hunched over the little table, swallowing cereal in big, grotesque slurps.

“Good morning,” Chaeryeong said, her back turned. “Aren’t you supposed to be at that photoshoot?”

“I’m, uh, I’m sick. I’m just going to stay at the dorm today.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, do you know where Ryujin is? She didn’t come to bed last night.”

“Um, she said she was going to spend the night with her family after we talked last night.”

“Oh yeah, what were you talking about?”

“What do you think? About you two’s ‘relationship.’”

“Did you reach any, like, conclusions?”

“Kind of. I think I overreacted the other day when I yelled at you guys. I don’t really mind. I feel good about it. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you. I think I heard you last night.”

Chaeryeong stopped eating and turned to face Yeji. “What do you mean?”

“You and whoever you were with. I think it’s great, by the way, that you’re putting yourself out there. I’m glad I could, like, make that okay for you.”

“I wasn’t with anyone last night.”

“I heard someone’s, like, sex noises last night. It sounded like you.”

“That was just me. Alone. Sorry if I disturbed you.” Chaeryeong said and she put her empty bowl of cereal in the sink and walked out the door, leaving Yeji to simmer there.

She needed release, maybe even revenge. So, with a mixture of adrenaline and anger, she tried to enter Chaeryeong’s room, but the door was locked. From inside, though, she could hear a familiar grunting, and Yeji screamed.


	2. Selected Articles

**ITZY’s Ryujin Tells All in Shocking Press Conference**

 

SEOUL - Ryujin of recently debuted girl-group ITZY appeared disheveled as she took to the small stage, a far cry from the high-fashion we’ve come to expect from the members of the rookie group. There were clear bags under her eyes and definite smudges around her lips and eyes. The young idol stumbled over her words as she began to read from a sheet of paper.

“Hello all, I am holding this press conference to announce that I will be leaving ITZY. JYPE has advised that I not go into detail regarding my reasons for this decision. Contractual obligations. However, I will say that it arose from a disagreement with another member, and I’ve realized that continuing my career would be irresponsible not only for me, but for all the fans. Indeed, that is what I will miss most about this profession: the fans.”

Shocked murmurs rose from the crowd of reporters and hands shot up. Ryujin said in a choked voice that she would accept a few questions.

When asked if she planned to stay in the entertainment industry, she responded, “I don’t know is the simple answer. I think it’s safe to say you won’t see me in the limelight for a long time. I need to figure things out for myself, in the light of this. Which I know sounds vague, but this hasn’t been an easy decision. I need to understand myself better before I start on any new venture.”

A reporter asked if she could comment further on the aforementioned disagreement and Ryujin said, “You have to believe that I want to. I really more than anything want to talk about my experiences and what led up to this. To tell anyone, not even just the press. But at this moment it’s just not legally feasible. My understanding, though, is that I will be more open in a few years, when my contract with JYPE expires.”

The final question regarded the remainder of ITZY. “They-- except for the one unnamed member-- will always be with me in my heart. I love them, and I always will love them.” At which point the young star burst into tears and a manager escorted her off the stage.

Needless to say, this has caused a stir in the k-pop community at large. Senior JYP idols have yet to comment. Hwang Yeji, eldest and leader of ITZY, stated on the group’s social media accounts that she was devastated to see Ryujin leave but that the group would continue to work as hard as possible for their fanbase. 

 

**JYP Announces Formal Disbandment of ITZY**

 

SEOUL - JYPE announced at a press conference today that rookie girl-group ITZY would disband in the coming months. This news comes just weeks after the departure of Shin Ryujin from the group. 

Speculation regarding the reasons for the disbandment has flown wildly in the wake of this decision. Is this related to the “disagreement” Ryujin stated as the reason for her leaving? Was this a mutual decision between the group and the company, or was one party more responsible than the other?

Either way, the effect of this decision cannot be understated. The company’s stock price has gone into free fall since the announcement, and numerous celebrities, notably Im Nayeon of senior JYP girl-group TWICE, have expressed disappointment if not outright fury at the decision. “I’m having serious doubts about the direction of our company. I know the members of ITZY well, Chaeryeong was almost my band-mate, and to throw all their hard work in the trash after only a couple months seems totally crazy to me. I mean, I’m not privy to all the details, obviously, but what could be so awful that we have to kick these girls out?” Ms. Im told a reporter.

 

**Former Idol Lee Chaeryeong Arrested**

 

SEOUL - Lee Chaeryeong, formerly of JYP girl-group ITZY was seen yesterday being hauled out of her apartment in handcuffs by federal police. Details regarding motivation for the arrest are being withheld from the press at this time.

All the same, it seems impossible that this isn’t related to the departure of Shin Ryujin from and subsequent disbandment of ITZY. Is it possible the “disagreement” Ryujin mentioned was with Chaeryeong? And, if so, could the bad blood between the two have involved illegal activity?

JYPE has declined to comment. Choi Jisu, also known as Lia and former member of ITZY, was quoted as saying, “Of course I’m surprised, but not as much as you might expect. I was never really that close with Chaeryeong because something about her just seemed off to me. Like, you don’t look that, I don’t know, soft if you’re not hiding something.”

 

**A Conversation with Yeji and Ryujin**

_ By Song Eun-a _

I recently got a chance to speak with Hwang Yeji and Shin Ryujin, both former idols who have been in the news recently not only because of the ongoing court-case of their former colleague Lee Chaeryeong who faces charges of sexual assault and rape, but also because the two have announced that they’ve been dating since the disbandment of ITZY. As you know if you follow me on social media, I, a being a staunch advocate of LGBT rights in this country, was totally ecstatic when the news broke. Gay idols!? I just had to see it for myself. 

I met the two in a local cafe and was immediately blown away by how happy they seemed, considering all the details coming out about the scandal of their former group and all the media attention they’ve been receiving. The two held hands, and Ryujin fiddled with Yeji’s long black hair (it’s true what they say about idols being infinitely more beautiful in person). They smiled and laughed and leaned against each other throughout the interview. 

 

Eun-a: So my first question has to be about how people have reacted to the news of you two dating.

 

Yeji: Um, it’s surprising actually. People in general have been really supportive. Even my parents, who are what you might call old-school. Don’t get me wrong, they were shocked when I first told them, but ultimately they’ve been really kind about the whole thing. Plus they love Ryujin, so that helps.

 

Eun-a: Who doesn’t?

 

Ryujin: Oh, stop it.

 

Eun-a: Is it strange to be the only openly gay idols?

 

Ryujin: Well, it’s true we live in a conservative country, and the entertainment industry is usually the worst offender in that regard. And, to be frank, my experience as a member of ITZY was completely awful, as you’re probably aware. But it was all worth it because of the people I met. I don’t think of myself myself a “gay idol,” or at least I try not to. I want to forget my, uh, former profession.

 

Yeji: I don’t consider myself any kind of trailblazer or pioneer or anything. I’m incredibly lucky to have been born in a time when people are more accepting than they’ve ever been.

 

Eun-a: I’m sorry to change the mood, but I have to ask about what it’s been like to see your attacker in the news. 

 

Ryujin: It’s honestly been really difficult. I’d like to say I’m totally over it, what happened to me, but I’m not. I can’t watch TV, because I risk seeing her face. I basically have to avoid the entire internet. But, yeah, it’s also true what Yeji said about living in a time when people are more accepting than ever, and people mostly have been really kind to me in the wake of all this. I wouldn’t have been able to speak out about it if it hadn’t been for the many brave, brave women who came before me.

 

Eun-a: So what’s next for Yeji and Ryujin. Are you two going to return in any capacity to entertainment, or is that something you want to leave behind?

 

Yeji: I think I speak for both of us when I say that we’ll be trying to stay out of the spotlight for a while. I think we both have bad memories of our time at JYP, and we want to stay away from that kind of thing, at least for the foreseeable future. All I want to do right now is spend as much time as possible with the love of my life. 


End file.
